FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think i have two assholes
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
