I wish I only lived at night.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
