Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
