So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
