I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
