end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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