Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
