The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
