just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
