This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
