First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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