she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
