Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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