Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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