Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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