Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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