i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
