who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
