Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
