I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
