Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
