I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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