Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
