How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
