Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
