i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Randomize
