I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
