My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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