I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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