ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
