Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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