i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
