dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
