Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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