oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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