Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he fucked my hip out of place.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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