Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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