3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
