It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
