They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
