I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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