The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
