Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
