Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
