If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
