This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
