i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i love accidental penises.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
