Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
