Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
