pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
