there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
