as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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